16th December 2006
Is the wardrobe department on a very tight budget, or do the Hollyoaks production team just get their kicks from seeing characters with no clothes on? Just when you think they have tried everything to get people to strip, along comes another spurious excuse. This week it was young men standing in their trunks; then it was Steph in bed with what she thought was a footballer; then Zoe (again); Will with his top off; and even Justin, having water poured over him in what looked to me like a poor excuse to have a wet T-shirt competition.

Becca’s trial finally arrives on Monday, so let’s see if they can conjure up a reason to have anyone in the courtroom take their kit off – nothing would surprise me. The verdict comes on Wednesday, and on Thursday Becca gives birth – but will her joy be shortlived?

It’s not a good week for Max, either, when on Friday he makes a bid for freedom. When OB and Dom try to get him to a hospital, Clare intercepts them to take Max on an unexpected journey. Alas, it’s not to the barber’s.

9th December 2006
Why does everyone have such big fridges in Hollyoaks
when they never eat anything but takeaways? In fact,
they don’t eat many of them, either, so it’s a small
miracle anyone is even alive. On Monday Darren almost
has lunch, but is interrupted by Steph, complaining
about her lack of jobs. But when Darren gets her a
personal appearance in a night club, she gets more
than she bargained for when she comes face to face
with Joe Jones’s wife, who delivers a few home truths.
I’m still worried about the health and safety
issues surrounding the school staircase, and also
because the pupils seem incapable of ever reaching the
bottom or the top and getting to any lessons. Josh and
Amy spent almost the entire week on it.
There are more dangerous places to be, however, as
Justin discovers on Thursday when he disappears and is
tormented by a mystery captor – as if having an affair
with Becca were not torment enough. On Friday Nancy
thinks that Justin has done a runner and therefore
will not be able to testify against her sister, but as
he makes a bid for freedom, is all that about to
The show’s attempts to find new ways of getting
characters to take their kit off never ceases to amaze
me, and this week you could be forgiven for thinking
you had stumbled into a nudist camp. Kris, Zoe, Will,
Zoe again – out and about in the college, in the flat,
on the computer screen linked to the secret camera in
Zoe’s room. Will has to make the most of his newfound
passion, though, because on Thursday he is angry to
discover that Zak and Zoe are back on good terms.

2nd December 2006
There is good news and there is bad news. The good
news came with the announcement from Becca that “I
could be put away for 14 years.” The bad comes on
Monday . . . Oh, no: there’s only more good, when Jake
reveals that he is going to be a witness for the
prosecution at Becca’s trial. The problem will be if
and when she goes down - how on earth are they going
to get that massive bump through a cell door, let
alone into the witness box? And why can’t Becca find
any decent maternity clothes? That ridiculous cardigan
she wears tied together under her chest exacerbates
the bump even more. What, pray, is she carrying in
there? Habitat’s entire soft furnishings Christmas
Clare is up to no good on Thursday and is enjoying
Max’s pain so much that she adds to his discomfort.
It’s all part of her devious plan to get her hands on
his insurance money, but when Max insists that Dominic
be allowed to visit, it is clear that nothing is going
to be quite as straightforward as she was hoping.

25th November 2006

It’s lethal to go away for a couple of weeks because
you return to discover that practically the entire
cast of Hollyoaks has been changed. Again. They are
also all about ten years younger. And ten times
blonder. I still recognise a few, in particular Clare,
who on Tuesday appears to be up to no good again when
she promises Tom new toys and a day off school. When
Max’s worst fears are confirmed at the hospital, she
makes a pleasing discovery that could hold dire
consequences for his future. On Thursday she is eager
to get him home, but not for reasons of wifely love.
Now, I’m a bit worried about health and safety at
the school. Why do so many conversations take place on
the stairs, with pupils blocking up key parts and
preventing other pupils from getting to lessons on
time? I also have health and safety fears for Sarah,
who could be in danger of catching all sorts of nasty
things if she accepts offers from the hundreds of boys
interested in her. On Friday Craig is concerned about
it too, and her efforts to quell his fears appear to
be ineffective.